Julie and her husband, Chad, adopted Hannah and her siblings out of foster care between 2008-2009. The family struggled, and in 2017, Julie and Chad divorced. In 2021, Julie married Ethan. This story is from the perspective of Julie, Hannah’s adoptive mother.
We noticed Hannah starting to struggle when she turned one. Her tantrums were extensively worse than the norm, with our tiny toddler screaming for hours. For years, this continued.
We started therapy every week, but the anger just kept getting worse. We worked tirelessly to try to get Hannah to quit screaming, to stop throwing things across the room, to stop saying hurtful things to me and her siblings, to stop hurting herself, but nothing seemed to work.
I took her to therapist after therapist, countless psychiatrists, all of whom told me the same thing—Hannah had an anger problem—but the tools we were given never worked for Hannah.
It was a very difficult time in our house. We all were exhausted. It's never easy to watch your child struggle. Feeling hopeless and not knowing how to help your child is even more difficult. What were we supposed to do?
In 2022, the Lord brought us to Eagle Ranch. Little did we know, this place would change the lives of our entire family.
The day we dropped Hannah off at the Blessing Home was hard for all of us. We were leaving our daughter with basically complete strangers, trusting them to love and care for our child. Hannah was angry with us, thinking we were trying to get rid of her. Little did she know this was our biggest act of love to help our daughter.
It took a few months, but slowly and steadily Hannah began listening to what her houseparents, counselor and program assistant were saying to her. She started to find the right coping skills to help her with her anger and share her feelings.
As she grew in these ways, Hannah also excelled academically. Most importantly and significantly, I watched my daughter grow in her relationship with the Lord, becoming a spiritual leader in the Blessing Home.
We came to the Ranch expecting change and change is definitely what we got. We just didn't expect to see so many changes within ourselves.
As we worked through the program, Chad, Ethan and I learned how to co-parent Hannah. We (especially me) learned how to step back from taking control and surrender to the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives and in Hannah’s life.
We came into the program expecting them to help our daughter—but it transformed our lives as well.
When we started meeting with our counselor, Jeannine, I would be so aggravated because I would tell Ethan something like, “She thinks we're the problem! No way, we came here because Hannah is screaming all the time, she's the one who is angry.”
Slowly, we learned that, in my attempt to control situations rather than disciple Hannah, I was actually part of the problem. I had to learn that the way Hannah acted when she was angry was not something that I caused or could cure. I think the very best thing that I've discovered is that you can't control someone's heart. Only the Holy Spirit can change hearts. That revelation gave me freedom.
In May 2024, Hannah and our family graduated from the Eagle Ranch program. Ethan and Hannah now have a relationship. Hannah and her father have strengthened their bond. And Hannah and I are continuing to build a healthy connection.
My daughter is happy, smiling and free. She has matured into a compassionate, more confident young lady. Telling your child that they're beautiful, smart, and worthy is one thing, but it's so much more meaningful when you see that they assertively believe that.
To my Hannah . . . You are special and kind. Even with all the terrible days that we've had to get through, I'd choose you all over again. You are my daughter, and you make me proud. Even on the days that you don't, I'm still grateful that God chose me to be your mom.