Creating Space for Intentional Connection

“We overfill our lives, hoping more will make us feel like we are enough.” Ellie Roscher

What pockets of time have you set aside this week to connect with your spouse? Take a moment and really think about that question. 

A common issue American couples face in our fast-paced, highly stressed culture is a lack of space in their daily or even weekly schedule for emotional connection and intimacy. Going weeks or months without this connection, couples slowly start growing apart. Complacency and apathy begin to set in as the norm. Have you and your partner felt this?Have you ever wondered if the romantic spark was just doomed to fade for all couples or if your partner was just no longer "that into you" and what was causing this slow drift away from the love you once had?  

When I counsel with couples, the most common cause of this "drift" and the romantic feelings fading away over time is simply a lack of time to connect in the daily and weekly schedule. We often mistakenly assume that heart to heart conversations, fun/laughter/play and sex should "just happen" and be"purely spontaneous" as they used to be back when we were young, carefree, in high school or college and childless. But the reality is that the busier life gets, the more intentionality and planning it takes to ensure time is set aside to connect with our spouse in these ways.  

Common Connection-Killing Traps 

When you say it out loud, it seems shocking "I prioritize my kids' sports/extracurriculars, video games, obsessive cleaning, hours at the gym, PTA meetings, golf, girls’ night out, guys night out, volunteering, working long hours, being there as a support person for my friends and family (or whatever it may be) over my marriage." Yikes, right?!  

Challenge Yourself and Your Partner to Make Connection a Top Priority 

What is one thing you can change to re-prioritize your relationship and re-set to create intentional time for connection? As you read this article, are you experiencing any resistance to creating connection (resentment, grudges, insecurities, lack of intimacy, situations of abuse or infidelity, etc.)? If so, please know that counseling can help you work through those feelings, fears, difficulties and find a new way of relating with yourself and your partner rather than engaging in avoidance of connection.  

Please note: If you are experiencing abuse or domestic violence, this article is NOT written for those situations. Please obtain free and confidential support through resources such as the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 or www.thehotline.org